Sunday, August 9, 2015

Adjust




Just Kidding! 

I felt a bit frazzled the past few weeks, but I am trying to stay composed, calm, and adjust as needed. 

I was pushing out some good workouts throughout June and July. Five or six days a week, alternating runs and weight sessions, and then the aches and pains started adding up...sigh... my right foot, my shoulders, my knees, my hamstrings...argghh! I get stressed when I start feeling like that. I don't like muddling through my workouts, I want to feel strong! 

Sometimes I think I need a new body to go with my heart...


I want to push hard
I like to push hard
but my body doesn't get the message sometimes


So, for two weeks I fell back to my life plan which is four active days a week. I still manged to get 20 miles running mileage one week and 17.5 miles the second week of  "rest", and have productive weight sessions, so it's all good, I guess. 
The full rest days cure the aches and pains. I have to work within realistic limits I guess. 

I have been at the PT's office several times in the past few weeks.

Hamstrings - improving  check :)
The simple changes in stretching have helped.
The pains and niggles the were becoming constant in my shin and knees are lessening.

Shoulders - not much is changing. 
My right hand has been going numb when I run, and as he works on my shoulder it will improve a little and as soon as I lift, the pain creeps back in. The popping sensation is happening in both shoulders and even with rest, it continues to make itself known. The heavier I lift, the worse it pops and tugs...
No surprise, Devin, my PT, says, "Why do you need to go THAT heavy with the weight. Be happy where you are."
Dang, I wanted a different answer.
I am kind of on a mission, you know?!
I am hopeful if I go lighter on the shoulder work for a few more weeks, I will be able to get back to trying to, pick heavy things up and put heavy things down. 

            Getting stronger replaced being "thin" in my life. 
                                         I can't let that go. 



I shared with you about my battle with eating from a very young age here, Let Go.
I didn't have the healthiest beginnings.
The fear is real...
Bones are living tissue and during critical growing years, I was a mess. I wonder all the time, am I going to pay for it now as I age.




I still want to do be able to do a dang pull up...

I have gained some muscle along the way, but it's usually remains hidden under a layer of stuff I seem to be unable to permanently shed. I wonder if those last few pounds are really worth it? 



Have I mentioned a slow thyroid sucks!?

More often than not, I just try to eat healthy, enjoy treats if I want them, and track everything to make sure I am not fooling myself.
To lose I have to cut down to about 1100 calories, it's all Endocrinologist approved, but it's not fun.



You know several times in the past year I have been at my goal weight. I will feel motivated, cut my calories, lose it, but the minute I start to live life like a "normal" person, and not stay at such a stringent number I go right back to where I am now. 
About 6 lbs. over my goal weight. 
   

There's part of me that would actually like to look stronger, and the part of me that likes to have chips, salsa, and the margarita. I can't deal with being disciplined to the point of miserable. I wasted enough of my life on that. 



I think I am going to have to embrace my rolls. 



Trying to find that balance between obtaining a goal, and just enjoying life, can be a challenge. 
I think the scale, and the aches and pains for a few weeks, were a bit much at once. It got me into a little funk, but I will bust through. 


I always do. 


I feel thisclose to letting go of that "goal weight".


I'm asking all the questions today...and as always, please share your tips and wisdom :) 
Do you have a hard time finding balance between being healthy and just enjoying life? 
Do you ever go through funks like this? 
Have a goal weight where you feel happy? 
Ever worry about how your past will impact your current health? 
Feel like you had a pretty healthy childhood?
Are you lucky enough to scratch your head and wonder what the heck I am talking about it? 

20 comments:

  1. Karen, you look great and are doing awesome! I get really motivated to work out when I read your posts. (your cartoons made me LOL for real).

    I think that no matter what there's ALWAYS something I'll want to improve with my body. I feel like I get easily sucked into the numbers game on the scale at the gym (which is why I don't own one). I become frustrated with the more I lift and gain muscle, the heavier I am?!?! My body appears tighter and leaner it just weighs more, go figure lol.

    I was running with a friend this morning and we were talking about being strict with our diets during marathon training. Then she said "We're not going to the Olympics" LOL....I thought that was hilarous!

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    1. I hear you about the scale! I try to check a few times a week and the past few weeks it just kept climbing, it's does get to me.
      You are very lean and amazing looking, and you do look even stronger now which is awesome. I am surprised you see a number go up as lean as you are, but you are gaining muscle :) It's weird how a number can make you feel off. You are one of strength idols for sure.
      That is so funny what your friend said! I understand though sometimes even a pound can help shave a little off the pace, so the temptation is there to go hard core while training :)

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    2. oh, and don't want to forget to say thank you Heather :) I am truly working as hard I can.

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  2. I think I love Charlene. LOL. I am up some pounds that I don't want to be. But it's not like I'm sitting around eating Peanut M&M's and Ruffles with French Onion Dip. I think you look kick-butt strong and are glowing with health and beauty. Let's not put so much importance on a number (she said to her friend Karen AND to herself).

    I'm co-hosting a new linkup called Weekly Wrap. I'd love for you to join us! You can link up in the morning.

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    1. I agree, I thought Charlene was brilliant! LOL
      I understand about those pounds, I am not really splurger either, but I admit I do love a cocktail now and then lol Sometimes when I really good for a few weeks overall I will see a gain and I just scratch my head. I just keep working on it :)
      and you are quite lovely, lean, and strong looking my friend :) All that skiing is good for you!
      I have tried to let go of the number a few times this last year. You know how I work stuff out blogging, hopefully this will be it!
      I will check for your link up tomorrow :) I am home tomorrow, I am going to try to write a post, but thankfully I will have time to read everyone and catch up!

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  3. I think you DO look really strong! I think it's better to adjust your goal weight to the weight that you are happy at, which is only 6lbs more than your current goal weight. It's much more important to be happy and enjoy life than to live it counting calories.

    When I was a size 0 I hated my body so much more than I do now at a size 14. Granted I am working towards losing weight as I slowly recover from years of self-inflicted warfare on my body, but as my coach said "during marathon training, training is the most important thing. Don't try to lose weight now, you need to focus on eating enough to get in the higher mileage while feeling strong." Even though you're not marathon training now, I think that's the same theory applies. Lifting burns so many more calories than cardio, so eating 1100 calories per day or whatever sounds crazy to meet some arbitrary goal weight.

    I just always think, back when I was at my lowest weight and looking like a skeleton I could barely make it from my house to my car without feeling totally exhausted. I'd rather have the extra pounds and run a marathon than the other way around!

    Be happy, workout hard and let go of arbitrary weight goals and replace them with exciting strength and running goals! :)

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    1. Thank you Kristina :) I know you get the battle, it isn't like it use to be, but sometimes it still gets to me. We work so hard, results are expected, but I agree I am working through it and kind of arriving at the point where I can enjoy where I am AT and feel okay with having working hard, having fun, and try to be at peace.
      I do relate, I have weighed 100 lbs. when I was much younger and was so anxiety filled it was ridiculous. Mental exhaustion as much as physical.
      I agree with your coach!! Eat to fuel, eat to be strong!! Inside I keep believing if I keep on my path, maybe I can still slowly make some changes :) I totally believe that for you! I do believe 30's will be best decade yet, you are going to be amazingly strong :)
      Thanks for the encouragement :) It means a lots to me to have you all, to work things out with!

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    2. I know that the struggle is real somedays; I think recovery is a lifelong process. Even though I don't actively weigh myself, I still have the same stupid scale that I used for years to measure my worth. There's some ridiculous part of me that just can't throw it away. Even though I don't even think about using it 360 days of the year, there are those 5 days that I get on it and let the number dictate how I feel for the next hour or so before I remember that I *have* to let it go.

      I understand feeling fine until you see a picture or video of yourself and then worrying about this roll or that fat pocket or whatever... but then I hit publish on my pictures and videos to remind myself that I am more than my appearance. The run blog community has helped me so much with this - I'm sure most readers don't even realize how important the blog is to my journey. I'm glad we are here for each other! <3

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  4. Oh Karen I am sorry you are struggling right now. I love that your goal is to be STRONG rather than SKINNY. Being strong requires FUEL. So don't beat yourself up. Maybe you are craving junky food because you are HUNGRY. I am not a doctor or an endocronologist, but I know even on these "rest" weeks, lifting and running 20 miles, 1100 calories is not that much! Like I said, I am not a doctor, but I am a runner like you, and I appreciate how important food is. So I was just thinking, what if you allowed yourself to eat a little bit more, would you be more satisfied and less likely to want junky stuff? I am sure you know what works for you but it was just something as an independent observer I was thinking!

    I like your idea of maybe doing some lower weights for now and maybe that will help your shoulder and then lifting heavier. Maybe you could do lower weight, higher reps? I try to do that from time to time just because I don't want to have any sort of upper body injury (you know how afraid I am of that!!) so I try to give my muscles a couple workouts of "rest" before I push again.

    And now I will answer your questions to the best of my ability!!!

    Do you have a hard time finding balance between being healthy and just enjoying life? I HAVE had a hard time but I have gotten better. The balance for me is the day in and day out of healthy eating. The enjoying life part is the cocktail I have every night, as well as ALLOWING myself to enjoy whatever it is I want to enjoy guilt free. That doesn't mean every day, but that means if I'm going to a birthday party and I want cake, I'm gonna have a damn piece of cake! For me (and this is for me only) when I have no rules for myself that I "can't" have something, it makes me want it less. I remember every time I "gave up ice cream" I really really wanted it. But if I don't have a rule for myself about ice cream I eat it a lot less because I never feel deprived. This has taken me YEARS to get to. Trial and error. Mess ups and binges.

    Do you ever go through funks like this? Yes I do. Sometimes I feel like I splurge too much and I need to "get back on track". But getting back on track for me now is different than it was in the past. Before, it was EAT HEALTHY FOR TWO WEEKS NO MATTER WHAT SO YOU DON'T GET FAT OVER THIS. Now it is just "Eh, I need to eat more chicken and veggies these next couple days"

    Have a goal weight where you feel happy? I don't weigh myself. I like how I look now and what my body can do at this size, so as long as my clothes fit, I don't care what the scale says. If they started to feel snug, I would not be happy.

    Ever worry about how your past will impact your current health? Yes! I worry about when I used to do 2 hours of cardio a day. What did I do to my muscles and tendons and am I paying for that now?

    Feel like you had a pretty healthy childhood? I do! I feel like we ate a lot of different kinds of foods. We are A LOT. But then again, we were active kids.

    Are you lucky enough to scratch your head and wonder what the heck I am talking about it? LOL unfortunately I relate to so much of what you said, Karen.

    YOU ARMS/SHOULDERS LOOK AWESOME IN THAT PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. I have been in a bit of funk. This last weight gain I stayed up for several weeks, but I will never been like I was when I was younger and I am THANKFUL :) I am not really sure how I take these big swings, because I am kind of routine and since I do track I know I am not going over budget for the week. A slow thyroid is odd, it's like 2+2 doesn't equal 4 anymore, I will be up with my clothes feeling tighter very quickly. I just chip away at it, everything goes slowwww lol I make small changes.
      I like to live closer to 1400. I feel better and it's easier. I agree 1100 isn't much! and I usually can't stick to that long!
      I love to have a whatever day each week, sometimes we have dessert that day, last week we skipped it :) I am like you, if I want it I will eat it, but I can pass on a lot of things just as easy.
      I understand the, how bad did I beat up my body worry. I think many of have a period where we didn't take the best care of ourselves, but luckily you had a good childhood. I think while growing it is very important to our future health.
      I do wish these funks didn't happen, but it is that...just some blahs.
      THANK YOU :) I have been working so hard on chest/shoulders I think a big part of the funk was feeling like I would lose my progress. I hate aches that take my workouts away and I need all my work outs! I like balance :)
      You know I work stuff out blogging and I feel like I retreating and not talking about it , but this time I am trying to write down my goal out and then let it go and be at peace. Writing it out seems to help me :) Thanks for listening!

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    2. Oh we are always here to listen and empathize because we all struggle at some point.

      I understand your worry about losing your muscle but you have been so consistent for so long- you really won't lose that definition just by backing off a bit. Especially if you keep lifting but just don't do anything crazy- like I said, high reps, lower weights. Sexy arms like those aren't going to disappear overnight!

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  5. I go through funks also. always struggling between happy / healthy and wanting to loose a few more pounds. I find finding a new activity to occupy my mind (new book ? planning a get away) helps me focus on something else, and usually gets me out of my funk.

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    1. I guess we all have funks to deal with.
      That's a very good idea :) and I do really love to participate in races, and I usually just do a minimal handful each year. I hope I can enjoy more this year. Thanks for stopping by!

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  6. I think balance in almost anything is hard and weight is no exception. You are aware of and accept your challenge, which I think is part of the battle. You just have to figure out what makes YOU happy!

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    1. I agree balance is a challenge! I am trying hard to focus on what I really want to do as I get older and what makes me happy. Sometimes I think it's crazy weight still bugs me, but it does.
      I really just want to work part time lol that would cure lots of things in my life :)

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  7. Being healthy and enjoying life to me go hand in hand. I enjoy teaching my classes and running. I always feel great after a good workout knowing that I am making healthy choices. I agree with you though when I don't workout I do feel a bit sluggish. It always stinks to having nagging pain but you have to know when you can push thru it or know to just take that time off and rest. You have been doing a great job w keeping up your workouts.

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    1. It is hard battling the aches and pain that keep popping up and I think they get me bummed at times more than they should. I always worry rest, push, is it a permanent problem, etc...
      Thank you! I keep trying to move forward :)

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  8. I am going through some of the same things you are! I do know we are both on the right track but it is a balancing act to eat right, exercise right and feel normal and enjoy everyday things. I keep telling myself the number on the scale as my normal is a lot lower than it use to be without much overseeing of it. So If I keep it up my new normal should creep on down. I too feel like I need to loose about 6-8 more lbs, it will come, I hope but I want to not have to watch everything that I do. :) I think just mixing things up with the running and the weights all help and keeps our bodies not knowing whats next! Your doing great and I look forward to keeping up with you!

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    1. It sure does sound like we are in similar places :) That's awesome you are seeing progress and yes it does sound like you are on the right track.
      I so agree watching every little thing seems a bit much. I think after wrote this out, I started to feel like I can let that number go now.
      I look forward to a new blog friend as well :)

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  9. So you are at the point I was at a few years ago. I wasn't making any progress. In fact, going backwards. I wasn't ready to accept it. I did my homework, and decided to mix it up a bit. What I learned is that we need to do more weight training and a little less cardio. I'm really happy with where I'm at right now...

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